Hello all! Yes, I'm a damn sight more chipper on this Monday. Last week was a bad week, except for Thursday. I didn't let anything bother me on Thursday. Anyway, I guess I'd better explain why I was so twisted last week. Man, I swear--it still makes no sense to me! Basically I was denied aid, she said, because I wasn't working enough hours. She told me if I found a full-time, day time job (like I'd said I was going to look for after I left there), then they could help me. Or if I got more hours at my present job. She said if they helped me that time, what would stop me from coming back?

Now what I want to know, ladies and gentlemen, is what the fuck is that supposed to mean? If I had been working more hours to begin with I WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE!!! If I hadn't gone basically two weeks without solid work I WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE!!!! You know what I think? I think "christian charity" is an oxymoron and a crock of shit. I'd much rather see some Pagan charities spring up--Pagans are much more laid back and tend not to think they're higher and mightier than everyone else. Man, yeah I guess when I think about it I'm still pretty twisted over the way that woman treated me--I was crying my ass off and told her how could I look with my face "like this"--all puffy from crying--and she said "it'll pass". BITCH!!!!!!!! She didn't even listen to what I wanted to do, just wrote down all my expenses and then told me she thought I'd be denied but she needed to talk to someone else first. All I wanted was a couple hundred towards rent. And after all that she wanted to give me an eviction schedule, and FOOD... yeah like I'm homeless but I've got food in my belly! LOL at that, in a really mean and sarcastic way. I was gonna just walk out--truly I was afraid I was gonna totally lose my shit, start bellowing obscenities, and get forcibly removed--but I stuck a note in her "prayer box" that said I prayed they actually helped people like they said they did because they failed me miserably, and they could pray for me while I was living in my truck, and I totally signed my name. I wonder how long it took her to remove my note from that prayer box--when I think about it I really can't see her leaving that in there, lol. 

Oh well, though--the rent's getting paid, albeit late as hell and with a whole bunch of court costs added, and I'm not losing my shelter. I'm back to work tonight, like I was last week, and I'll get a check worth something the next time I get paid. I won't go out of town again until I'm way more stable financially, and hopefully some ideas I have (and have been fed) will make me money on a steady basis, enough money that I don't have to worry about how my bills are gonna get paid any particular month, or sweat because I don't have money to buy people birthday or Christmas presents. Anyhoo, I'm gonna hop off now--I'll be in touch. Peace!

Oh my god. Oh my freaking god I am so hot under the collar I'm only now getting over the outrage sobs. I just spent the last three hours at Crisis Control--the place where they're supposed to provide emergency assistance for rent, bills and the like? Like my late rent is due by 5 today or they go to court and add another $90 or so to what I owe, and if that isn't a fucking emergency, I don't know what the fuck is!!!! I am sooooooo fucked, ladies and gentlemen, and now I know I would have been better off whoring myself for the last three hours than spending it in that place. They made me feel like a fucking bum. A FUCKING BUM!!! I am absolutely LIVID!!! Livid enough to drop the F bomb 16 times in one paragraph. However many times I said it anyway. I didn't want them to pay all my fucking bills, just enough to cover what rent I couldn't cover, but they denied me because "I didn't have any money coming in". But if I get a construction job today, they'll help me... when, to-fucking-morrow? So I could spend another three hours over there letting them treat me like a fucking bum some more? NO FUCKING THANK YOU!!!!! So they can pay the court costs too? Fuck it. I'll find a way. I am NOT a fucking bum, just in a temporary financial shithole. I hope that bitch that I dealt with comes on hard times and gets treated like a fucking bum--let her see how it feels. Let her sit three hours somewhere for nothing and have her hopes dashed cruelly by someone who feels they have no stake in her life.

Hola boys and girls! Tonight I am puppysitting. He's a cute little thing, and I'd even post his picture if I could freaking email my cellphone pics to myself. Unfortunately, as many times as I've tried in the last few days to upload pics from my phone, it hasn't been happening. The damn thing won't connect to the internet!! So I'm trying again, as we speak. I don't know how else I'm gonna get these pics off my phone if it doesn't work.

It's not connecting... I'm getting pissed...

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH SCREW SPRINT!!!! I wish I could get out of my contract, or that all my friends had had Verizon in the first place! Damnit. Damnit to hell!!

So what's the haps? Nothing much going on here--I'm not sure how I'm going to pay my rent yet for the month of August--yes you heard me right. I think Crisis Control will be the first place I stop Monday morning. I have till 5 to pay up rent plus the late fee or  then it's court costs added to that, and of that happens I am truly fucked. No, there's no other way to say it. And I hate that I'm having to try to get assistance like this, but I can't ask Roomie to cover me anymore. Monday's also job hunting day, so hopefully somthing good will come of that as well. Sigh.

I slept all day today, and had this long convoluted dream. But what I remember is peeing my pants on this hill on the side of the road and how free it felt, even though people were passing by on their cars, and I was making piss rivers. I swear that had to be the longest piss I've ever taken, dream or not! (And no, I didn't wet the bed!) Well, after I'd finally finished, I walked to...my house, I guess--it was an apartment complex on my left I came upon--and sitting in his car in a gravelly spot right off the road beside a small power station, like he was waiting for me, was N! What a freakout, me with piss all on the back of my pants and him showing up in my dream. And then I woke up. A few nights ago I dreamt about a Middle Eastern man who was so fucking sexy I couldn't stop sweating over him for two days. He had a perfect stomach (make that body)--muscular but not too much, glistening with sweat, and tattooed. He had a whole front piece, something having to do with surfing, maybe? Whether the tattoo was really a part of him or not, I could totally identify him by his belly button if I saw him in real life.

I've been working on art, kinda sorta. I discovered yesterday I could make my own brushes and patterns in Photoshop!! Oh joy--I am easily amused. I have yet to make my dog into a brush... but that's something for me to do, besides make pretty graphics for this site. Which I should do before anyone thinks I think this place is pretty right now,eh?

 

Hey folks, that is if there's any folks left out there to say hey to. I'm back. As you can tell, if you even wander in here anymore, I've decided to come back and make some changes along the way. I got so busy with school there towards the end I hardly got on the computer, and what time I spent on it I played games. So sue me, lol! Nah, I have missed this place. So anyway, I'd better get back to dusting cobwebs out of corners and rearranging the knick-knacks. Hope you like the changes!

Hey all. It's another late night, partly because I slept till 4 this afternoon. But I've also been thinking: lately, I haven't wanted to go to bed at night. It could be because I've been taking stuff every day to wake me up in the morning, but it's wierd--I'd also rather crash out on the couch. If Roomie wasn't here I'd be crashing on the couch with the TV on, like right now even. But oh well.

I sent N a pic of my clevage yesterday, It was a good one too--taken with my phone cam since the regular one's busted. And then I freaking erased it!!! Fric and frac. I'll have to ask him tomorrow if he got it. He better have gotten it! I don't want my clevage all over the net cause I sent it to some stranger by accident. Although... I don't know, it was a good pic! And my face isn't in it, anyway. I wish I hadn't erased it, damnit.

Well, I just wanted to check in for a minute before I make, and I do mean make myself go to bed. Okay, I'm going to bed now! Yep, I'm making my way back to the bedroom. Ta ta! Night night.